In a dream, far, far away.

I am living in a big city, Chicago, or Seattle. Somewhere wonderful. With a nice college. Having my major decided and all the good jazz. Taking up drawing and photography on my down time. Working as a part time barista and a full time student, studying architecture or business, or hell even going to an art or medical school, even music would suit me. That's the problem though, I want to do everything but I also have this tiny little fear that prevents me from doing almost everything. I am afraid of failing. So how can I fail something if I never try it? Isn't that failing in and of itself? I can bring myself to actually see it like that though. I want to, I want to believe that failing at something won't be the end of the world. And hell even if it was the end of my world, it wouldn't be that bad, I don't have much going on. I have a full time job as a housekeeper, granted I do like my job, but there's no room for advancement in this field. It's like being a gas attendant. Among the things I want to do I can't decide which one is really my life dream. Maybe all of them are. I want my own B&B, and coffee shop, and bakery, I want to remodel houses. I want to have a family and a husband, but I never want to get married. I want to be a like a nomad, modernly. I want to move from Hawaii to London. From Arizona to Alaska. I want to move. I want to be an author. I love writing, I wish I had time for it. I wish I had ambition, I wish I had realized that all of this would matter in highschool. I wish I hadn't been so rebellious to choosing my life back then. Now look at me, I'm living in my parents garage. Skipping a term of school. Working full time, twenty miles away with no license, so I am dependent on everybody to help me out. I want to be independent, I want to be able to say I can and did do this. I want to live. I want to have a life that I created for myself. I want to start over. Here is my ambition and passion. Its coming out, and I don't know how it is going to react with the world or if I can control it. But I can't keep living like this. I'm the only one who can really help myself. So here I am reaching out, to myself? Fighting for my chance from now on. I won't stop until I get what I want. What I need. Time to make life real.